A little while ago, I mentioned zombies. Zombies attacking the suburbs. While zombies are hardly the kind of folk that suburban dwellers care to welcome into their midst, sometimes zombies just attack and there’s no stopping them. So you’ve got to dress sensibly and stylishly if you want to survive and make it into the sexy Channel 4 dramatisation.
Let’s start from the bottom up: heavy engineering boots. Good for kicking zombies in the head. And they look really tough. Next: slightly shiny leggings and a sparkly one shoulder party dress. Nothing like blood and a bit of sparkle to up the sex appeal of a zombie attack.
But let me set the scene: it’s almost sunrise. A few bright young things are traipsing home after a night of dancing, drinking and hooking up with other beautiful young things. They’re the only people still awake at this time of the night. Or are they? Suddenly the undead begin to appear on the streets, dragging their feet, looking for brains to munch on. A lot of the suburban folk have been eaten while they slept so it’s up to this band of delicious and stylish young adults to kick some ass and defend their territory. After all, who can muster the energy to shop, get made-up, drink spirits with little flecks of gold in it and party til dawn when flesh-eating zombies are banging down the door trying to snag a bite of you?
To resume. I’m wearing what presumably is my now-dead boyfriend’s shirt and hoody. Pre-zombie attack he was perfectly happy, scrawny arm draped around me, in his deep v-neck tee and skinny jeans. He was one of the first to go: the pretty ones usually are. Then we have the leather jacket. I was torn between this jacket and my army-surplus-type jacket which is cool and has pockets but as it’s cotton, it’ll stain terribly and soak up blood like nobody’s business.
The leather jacket is warm, won’t stain and is dark, better for camouflage once the sun goes down. The only problem is the noise it makes – very difficult to sneak up on, or away from, a zombie when you’re making these sounds.
And finally, we have the most necessary accessory of all, a weapon. I couldn’t find a crowbar so a rusty hatchet will have to do.
I’ve managed to make it home, pilfered the sharp, pointy, rusty things in the garden shed. Now let’s go kill some zombie.
Boots: Office
Leggings: H&M
Belt: Dunnes Stores
Shirt: some crappy store in Lanzarote
Hoody: American Apparel
Leather jacket: Zara
Earrings: Horse Boutique, Annapolis MD
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